The Most Dangerous Money Phrase We Say to Our Kids (and Ourselves)

Have you ever been stuck in a conversation that completely drains you? The kind where negativity fills the air so fast you’re already planning your exit five minutes in?

That happened to me recently. The person I was speaking with couldn’t stop talking about how broke they were. Midway through the conversation, they casually mentioned something they had said to their adult child that made my blood boil:

“You can’t afford that.”

Let me say this clearly:

We do not put limiting beliefs on our children.

And truthfully, we shouldn’t be putting them on ourselves either.

The Power of a Simple Language Shift

Words matter. Especially the ones we repeat - out loud and in our heads.

Instead of telling our kids they can’t afford something, we can ask a much more empowering question:

How will you pay for it?

That small shift replaces scarcity with possibility. It invites creativity, problem-solving, and personal responsibility. It changes the conversation from “no” to “let’s think this through.”

A Quick Story From Our Family

Recently, my son had his eye on a Lego set that cost more than the birthday money burning a hole in his pocket. I didn’t shut him down with a quick no. Instead, I asked him how he planned to pay for it.

That opened the door to options he hadn’t considered:

• Doing extra chores to make up the difference

• Waiting until his next birthday

• Buying it used

• Borrowing the money from me and repaying it - with interest - after his birthday

Each option came with trade-offs. And that was the point.

This exercise gave him ownership. He could weigh the costs and benefits, consider his values, and decide what mattered most. Was the Lego set worth spending all his money on? Was his time better spent earning the difference?

After thinking it through, he chose to do the extra chores and returned to the store the following week to make his purchase.

The lesson wasn’t about Lego. It was about agency.

This Isn’t Just About Kids or Toys

The same logic applies to adult decisions every single day.

Whether it’s buying overpriced bread at a gas station or evaluating an investment opportunity, the limiting beliefs we repeat are often what hold us back; not the lack of money itself.

So often, “I can’t afford it” really means:

• I don’t want it enough

• I haven’t explored my options

• It doesn’t align with my priorities

Here are some limiting beliefs I hear all the time:

• “I’ll save when I get a raise.”

• “I can’t afford to help.”

• “I’d be generous if I could afford it.”

• “I wish I could afford that.”

• “Life would be easier if I made as much as so-and-so.”

Each one quietly hands control away.

Call Yourself Out (With Compassion)

The next time a decision feels tight, pause and ask yourself:

• What are the real costs here?

• What options am I not considering?

• Which choice actually aligns with my values and priorities?

Then change the language.

Instead of saying, or thinking, "I can’t,” try this:

“That doesn’t align with my goals right now.”

Notice how different that feels.

One is powerless.
The other is intentional.

When you realize you’re in control of the decision, your mindset shifts from fear to clarity.

Choose Possibility Over Fear

I’d love to hear from you: what limiting belief have you caught yourself repeating lately?

Awareness is the first step to breaking the cycle. When we choose better language, we model better thinking - not just for our kids, but for ourselves.